Satan On The Left Shoulder, Jesus On The Right

8 years.

Felt more like 3. Just total blackness, after that fateful Sunday. But as life would have it, a reminder came up, causing all of life's juices being sucked up through your straw. Lifeless. 3 weeks and counting, but no refills.

I now remember how it was being taken care of, fed, fussed about. It was the darkest period of life, away for 5 years. In the wilderness but still knowing somehow you got my back.

It's a curse, she says, and will be for as long as I live for the grievances caused to you. If this isn't Karma, then what is.

My only prayer for your release into the wild is to hope something will come your way soon, while I look from the outside. The burning question of whether this was the right thing to do. I don't know.

Sorry.

Bringer of Bad Dreams and Less Pain

Now that was weird. All the years knowing you, one never got the indication that you were partial to that phase. Yet, as fake as it felt,it would seem absurd to turn it down but I did, but that is stuff of dreams.

Why is it recurring? Is it a disease?

If you are serious as this as I think you are, you can do better. Because no matter how close people are, an infinite distance separates them.

I, Destroyer

It all started a decade ago.

The deconstructing/destabilising effect remains. Trying to get around it, but the heart doesn't comply. The fleeting glances, the longings and feeling of having lost it in the process, defeats you, but only for a little while.

So I come to you, because you make me feel like your god. But I swear that's not the real me.

But to the other, who has been damaged from years of torment. Will you ever wake up from your slumber? I can't be one to you as well.

Mirror of What Was Never There.

The smiles, the laughter...the things that should've happened a decade ago.

A decade of learning and growing of course, but all pushed aside in the pursuit of excellence. Stupidity beckons however, and excuses were given, depriving one of his very own soul.

Looking back and into the glass before us, with the distinct (to the extent of negligible) possibility of time travel, the heart grieves.

Unfunny

32. Most are halfway through their lives already at this stage. Stability and maturity are the order of the day. But a number?

It's no longer funny, more so since January. Help?

Heads, you win again

12/24/08 - 2345, nothing, 12/25/08 - 0000 still nothing. Yeah, a couple here and there, but not the one I'm waiting for.

I still wait 3 days later.

12/29/08 - 0940 Finally.

It's nothing and wholly superficial. But scraps will do for a beggar.

...to fall down at your door..

The madness of the December season is almost drawing to a close.

Weddings, the last minute shopping (which I am about to get around to after I've ended my rant here). It's a rollercoaster month, which is rather weird, but makes sense at the same time. Opponents in the legal profession tend to be kinder, colleagues becoming friendlier (and all smiles) during this period, there's just this bloody something about the month of December. The Christmas magic perhaps?

I remember this conversation I had with a certain someone over coffee, whilst his would be bride (at the time) was off shopping nearby, where instead of the display of pre-wedding jitters or revelling in melancholia of the pending doom of his bachelorhood, revealed a very focused person, who even had the audacity (not in the bad sense, of course) to give me a tip or two on finding (keeping?) the right person. Elementary no doubt, but to a guy who can't even bring himself to hold his girlfriends' hands in public, any advise is most welcome.

That talk stuck to my head till this day, and it even made perfect sense during the big day itself, of which yours truly had the honour of playing a small part in (despite my clocking up hours playing the piano/synths in various church services/functions), it was the first, to actually play for someone's wedding (more so, for someone you care about).

It is good to have friends, and to witness the people that helped out with the wedding, the decorations, the rehearsals, the love and joy they put in (despite the hours spent) and it was indeed a poignant moment when the wedding march was instead replaced by my favourite song of all time by The Proclaimers..I was all calm and composed witnessing my friend pledging her life and destiny to the man of her choice, until THAT song came on, which made me a bit glassy-eyed (hughhh...controlling the welling up tears). Inspired choice.

Of course there was this awkward moment when the happy couple were introduced as Mister and Missus Dee, but I guess that can only be attributed to the good reverend's speech impediment (no insult intended whatsoever).

Sorry, can't tell you what was told to me over the coffee earlier. I would need to see it for myself whether it would work just as well, for me.

Anyway, all that aside, congratulations you... Excellent choice for a husband. Any bloke who revels in late 80s/early 90s stuff is indeed marriage material and has my seal of approval (not as if it was needed anyway)

The man definitely knows his music.